DVD Synopsis: Ying (Donnie Yen – IP MAN, 14 BLADES, HERO), a highly-skilled martial arts warrior of the Ming Dynasty Palace Guard, is ordered to escort the precious Golden Wheel Of Time, said to have the power of time travel and ability to see into the future, from Sindu back to China. Along his perilous journey he is wrongly accused of a murder and hunted by his three brothers, Yuanlong (Simon Yam, Lara Croft Tomb Raider) Sao, and Niehu, all bent on revenge. At the height of the battle all four are buried by a huge avalanche, freezing them in time. 400 years later, they are unearthed, thawed and forced to adjust to modern-day life. Using the golden wheel that unlocks the past, Ying must regain his honour and correct history, defeating his brothers once and for all in an almighty fight to the death. (104 Mins)

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Views: When Iceman 3D first came out, it got hit hard by a wave of negative reviews both from fans and critics alike. Some even went as far as to say that it was the worst film of 2013. Honestly, I wouldn't go that far – but I also wouldn't deny that it should have been much better given the talent involved. That said, it's always going to be difficult for any remake to hold its own against an original piece that is considered a classic such as Clarence Fok and Yuen Biao's brilliant martial-arts-fantasy, The Iceman Cometh. I often wonder what inspires directors to attempt to redo a film that doesn't really need to be remade, but I can also understand the excitement of putting to use the technology of today's cinematic world to polish up a much-loved story for the fans. As one would expect, that should have been the case here – yet something failed along the way that made Iceman (3D or not) a massive flop upon release. While I know that it had a very troubled production that ran way over schedule and way over budget, it still doesn't make up for the incoherent storytelling, questionable edits, bad pacing, and flat humour contained!

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In a nutshell, Iceman tells the over-edited tale of an ancient warrior called Ying, accidentally defrosted in modern-day Hong Kong. Ying finds that he is still in possession of the crystallized penis of God Shiva, a relic that was given to him in 1621 A.D. that, when inserted into the Golden Wheel Of Time, will allow him to travel back in time to his original era. Three other warriors have also turned up in the city, all of whom are enemies of Ying's and want the penis. As Ying finds somewhere to stay with young party-goer May, the others pull together a small army of thugs in a bid to find the hero and cause some trouble along the way. Honestly, trying to put everything that goes on in this film into words, is both exhausting and somewhat problematic due to its pacing and randomly placed flashbacks. From its opening scene, the story moves along at such a speed that it barely gives you the chance to really catch what's going on! It's like half of the footage was cut, with scenes changing so quickly and characters flying in-and-out of the story - and often without any explanation. Having watched Iceman quite a number of times now, I sometimes feel like it comes across as a Hong Kong classic remade by Hollywood. It's almost like the film-makers just didn't get what Hong Kong cinema was all about when looking back at The Iceman Cometh, and while production values are high and it does the job on a technical level, this remake focuses too much on delivering such a polished look, while toying with unneeded CGI and slick editing (although not always in a good way), with certain moments delivered in quite amateurish ways.

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While I'm all for gross humour and wild comedy, most of the funnier situations in this seem incredibly out of place and more suited for a Wong Jing or Chow Sing Chi film from the early 90s. These include a defrosted Ying (Donnie Yen) pulling off his best impression of a fire hose as he sprays about 200 feet in order to relieve himself. I'm sure after a 400-year sleep, you'd probably by dying to do the same thing and while I thought it was quite funny, it just came at such a bizarre moment and wasn't really delivered as a comedy sketch. The next would be that of Ying's shit-bomb. Cornered in the house of a witness and surrounded by armed cops, Ying takes a dump so powerful that when the lid is lifted, it creates an explosion so huge that everyone around gets a taste of what Ying had been cooking during his long sleep. Elsewhere, warriors Sao (Wong Bao Qiang) and Nie Hu (Yu Kang doing his best impression of Yuen Wah in the original) are causing trouble as they kill some cops over some chicken curry. It's supposed to be a funny sequence but is quickly flipped as Nie Hu puts numerous bullets into one of the cops before pulling out a porn mag for his friend. There are many other attempts at cracking a joke, some of which involve a cameo here-and-there and some of which do crack a smile – but ultimately, they just seem to fall flat for the most part or come across overly forced in a cringe-worthy way...

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With a cast as strong as this has, it's hard to imagine Iceman failing. While Donnie was on-fire with career hits like Ip Man 1 & 2, Wu Xia (Dragon), and more – the film also had the fighting talents of the fantastic Wang Bao Qiang, along with choreographer and actor Yu Kang, and the legendary Simon Yam as the leader of the antagonists – although he rarely appeared on-screen, to be honest. The beautiful Eva Huang Sheng Yi, who got her start with Chow Sing Chi in the epic Kung Fu Hustle, plays the role of May – love interest to the hero. But as great as she is, Eva Huang is no Maggie Cheung and lacks that certain charm and comic-timing that Mag's showed in her role as Polly, in The Iceman Cometh. Director Law Wing Cheong started life in the Hong Kong film industry in 1989 as an assistant director on Handcuff Me, Brother starring Chin Siu Ho. The following year saw him start a long-term relationship with director and producer Johnnie To, which would see him continue as an assistant director over the years and even launch his acting career in The Longest Nite, directed by Patrick Yau. Lau ramped up his presence in the film world by becoming an editor and executive director on Johnnie To films such as A Hero Never Dies, The Mission, PTU, Running On Karma, Election 1 & 2, and more. As the new century crept in, Lau stepped up as a director, delivering titles like Running Out Of Time 2, the PTU television movies Tactical Unit, and the kick-ass martial arts flick, Wrath Of Vajra (as well as many others). Part of me wants to say, 'You would think with all that behind him, Iceman would have been near perfect' – but there's obviously much more to it than that. A big part of the reason I believe Iceman failed was down to its screenplay, failing to expand on the straightforward story that carried Clarence Fok's original by bringing in too many time-traveling-characters that we really couldn't care for, a lot of weak humour, and convoluted plot that gets lost along the way. Written by 3 scribes who were only in the game a few years before this, the trio includes Toni Shum, Lam Fung, and Mark Wu – who also appears here as the flamboyant party-goer dressed as Cupid. Since getting into the industry, the 3 have worked alongside each other on a number of projects with Lam Fung being one of many writers on CJ7, before pairing up with Wu for Lan Kwai Fong, and Due West: Our Sex Journey, of which Mark Wu would also star in and direct along with the poorly received 3D Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy. Personally, I'll probably be avoiding most projects with those names attached (as main writers or directors), and perhaps this remake would have proved to be more of a hit, had it benefited from a more experienced writer. It's also interesting to note that one of the original writers and producers from The Iceman Cometh, Stephen Shiu, went on to work with each of these writers in some way or another, although oddly avoiding any connection to this remake which may just have helped them. Another note on the negatives would have to be the 3D aspect of the film – and mostly, it's CGI. With a huge majority of the world (or those that have watched the film) having not had the chance to see Iceman in 3D, you can see why there were many complaints about the on-screen computer-animated effects. The same can be said for Tsui Hark's Flying Swords Of Dragon Gate and Donnie's very-own Monkey King – the CGI effects look cartoonish and crap when not seen in 3D. Personally, it's something I try not to let affect my judgment of a film as such, as there are plenty of other titles out there that have suffered from the same problem and it's just become one of those things in today's cinematic world.

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As uneven as the whole thing is – something that is confirmed in its last few minutes after the finale as we watch more flashbacks that show how close the warriors once were, all while repeating the pissing fire hose joke (again, ruined by the fact that it was so randomly placed and backed by a powerful ballad) – there are some redeeming qualities to the film, most of which lie within its action scenes. With Donnie in the driving seat, a strong team of choreographers helps create a wide range of fights that prove to be a lot more fantastical than the Yuen Biao original, playing with a host of moves that utilize the 3D element of the film – although these often override the actual martial arts choreography in the midst of battle. Hong Kong action legend Bruce Law takes control of the car stunts (as usual), while John Salvitti, the kick-ass villain of titles such as Tiger Cage 2, In The Line Of Duty 4, and Cheetah On Fire - and close friend/student of Donnie Yen's, joins the action department as well as popping up in a cameo as an SDU member. Yen regulars Yu Kang, Chris Tsui, and Hua Yan join the team along with Japanese choreographer Kensuke Sonomura who directed the action for independent-thriller, Hydra, of which I had the pleasure of screening at my festival last year (2020). Between them, the team delivers a host of great action scenes that focuses heavily on fantastical wire-fu (and then some), that portray these ancient warriors as almost superhuman. That said, Donnie, Wang, and Yu all get to show some amazing moves whether it's against each other or not. It all leads to an impressive finale on the Tsing Ma bridge that pushes its 3D FX to the max, blended with some great choreography and Donnie riding a white horse into battle. While Yu fights with his spear and Donnie with chains, Wang Bao Qiang gets to show some exciting shield work that would make Captain America jealous. Was it as exciting as the martial action in The Iceman Cometh? Not at all – but it still made for a fun watch when it came about. With Donnie unconscious in the water and many questions left unanswered, Iceman was left on a cliff-hanger until Iceman 2 followed soon after (albeit to even worse reviews than this one)!!

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Overall: Weak comedy and bad writing hinder what should have been an exciting remake. Although flawed, Iceman still entertains with a few fun moments and impressive fight scenes!

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DVD Extras: Trailer